"Why aren't you in a relationship?"
"Why aren't you in a relationship?" It’s the most popular question I ever get asked, so maybe it’s time I talk about it.
Honestly, I don’t think I need to date.
I don’t feel the need to put effort into finding "the one". I believe my dream of having a family and being a mom isn’t that far off. I get asked even more now, “Why aren’t you dating?” especially since turning 39 this year. Is my opportunity of creating a family slipping out of reach? I don’t believe so, but maybe it just looks different…
Do I get anxious? Of course. Would I like to speed things up? Absolutely. But I also believe in divine timing. And recently, I’ve been focused on building my own world.
This concept came to me after hitting rock bottom, following the end of several relationships that left me feeling empty. At one point, I met someone who was a total angel, but I couldn’t see him for what he was. Past experiences had clouded my vision, and the idea of “too good to be true” took over. I dismissed the idea that an angel had been sent to show me a new path—a way to have the family, children, and significant other I’d dreamed of. Instead, I gave into my fears and created hurt not hope.
The following summer, I decided to give relationships another shot, but I ended up in an even darker place. I fell into a deep depression. The person I was dating, was so full of life and energy, begged me to get out of bed, come to the beach, play volleyball—just watch if I couldn’t play. Despite his kindness I couldn’t pull myself together. I couldn’t feel hope or anything other than emptiness. It wasn’t anyones fault but mine. This was a me problem.
Around that time, a woman came into my life and invited me on a spiritual journey. Part of that journey was about believing in myself again, treating myself better, and reconnecting more deeply with God. I worked on clearing my spiritual channel so that I could start receiving guidance—spiritual downloads—encouraging me to clean up areas of my life I had ignored for too long.
In those empty moments, I often thought maybe someone else could fill the void, maybe dating would fix the loneliness. So I gave dating yet another shot. I approached it like a business—methodical, and with a very specific list. It wasn’t hard; in fact, it was easy. There are plenty of people out there looking for the same things. But it still felt empty.
That’s when I realized dating wasn’t the solution. I had to re-build my world first.
For the last five plus years, I’ve been working on this effort to build my world. It’s meant carving out time to do the things I truly aspire to do. Here’s the tool I built (Digital Handshake) to help me set my aspirations and actually reach them! It’s meant saying no to people, places, and experiences so I could invest my time and energy into building my world, which I believe will eventually become our world.
Today, this looks like a lot of time spent in thought, prayer, and writing—envisioning what my future looks like and not just hoping it happens, but actively working toward it. I believe in the persistence of hope—not just daydreaming but putting in effort. For me, that looks like building a home, investing in a safe space for the family I envision, becoming a person that I’m proud of, and working towards career goals. These investments in my world, I believe, will ultimately lead me to the future I dream of.
So no, I don’t spend my time pursuing romantic relationships. I believe that by building my world now, the right relationship will come when the timing is perfect. That’s why I’m not focused on dating.
I’ve been fortunate enough to be surrounded by some incredible men who’ve shown me what it looks like to build their own worlds—men who care for their families, support their parents and siblings, and invest in their careers, friends and happiness. They’re so busy investing in their present and future that they probably won’t even read this. But these are the kinds of people I aspire to build worlds with one day. (YES! His, mine and OURS - each are important for personal happiness!) And when the timing is right, I’m sure that will happen.
